Entrusted Blog

A biblical picture of the heart includes a child’s mind, will, and emotions. In our role as parents, we are charged with growing our children up in all three of these areas so that they will grow up to be committed to Christ. Anytime your children have a problem or issue, it is going to fall into one or more of these three categories.

If we train ourselves to look at each situation in this way, we will be able to apply the proper method for training them that takes that particular area into account. If we appeal to their feeling when their thinking is confused, we will not make much headway. They may be feeling just fine while they are consumed by selfish thoughts!

1.  The first area, the mind, deals with what they know or do not know. Sometimes children misbehave because they do not understand the right way. So if that is the issue, then we deal with their mind and teach them what they need to understand.

Training our children in the area of the mind means we are replacing ignorance or lack of knowledge with truthful teaching. 

2.  The next area, the will deals with their choice to obey or rebel. It means that they know what they should do and are doing it, or they know what they should do but they will not do it.

Training our children in the area of the will means that we are replacing rebellion and self-centeredness with discipline and correction. (This would also include attitude.)

Training the will involves a process of ongoing admonition, exhortation, and teachable moments – following up on their willful actions with correction and discipline where appropriate. Although character qualities, such as procrastination, are not addressed (for the most part) by physical discipline, character weaknesses can become willful and then require discipline.

3.  The last area, emotion, deals with how they are handling a situation. They know what to do but they are discouraged or fearful. Their emotions can make them question what they know they should do in a situation.

In this area we are replacing discouragement with encouragement. This child needs to have his heart refocused to trust in the Lord. Discipline would only further dishearten the child.

As you can see, we cannot ignore mind, will, and emotion in our daily interactions with our children.  Basing our responses and actions on their “heart” status will immediately make a difference in how we train and discipline our children.

(excerpt from Entrusted with a Child’s Heart, chapter 9, p. 264-266)

What is an issue you and your child have been dealing with lately? Is it an aspect of their mind, will, or emotions? What is one practical way you can begin to replace it this week? 

Many moms feel like they are always shouting at their kids in order to be heard and they wind up exhausted at the end of the day from the effort. It is so important that your children learn to respond to your voice. They must be taught that your voice is one of the most important voices they will ever hear. When they hear your voice, they must stop what they are doing and listen carefully. It helps if you practice this by role-playing at times when emotions are calm. For little ones, you can even make a game out of practicing! Remember, you want to give your child every opportunity for success.

For our part, moms, we need to work hard and not shout. The more we practice a calm voice, the more our children will learn to respond to it.

Do you show affection to your children every day (even several times a day)? And do they do the same to you? It does not have to be public. It may be a little kiss on the cheek before they jump out of the car or a hug the first moment you see them in the morning, but there has to be appropriate physical affection between you every day.

If you have gotten out of the habit or have let the hugs fall by the wayside, start back up. Hugs are important! I am deeply convinced of this. Sometimes as our children get a bit older, they may act “too grown up” to give Mom or Dad a hug, especially in front of someone else. But remember to be tender with your children. It is almost impossible for a child’s heart to stray from you if you show each other appropriate physical affection every day. 

Mothers can tell a lot about how a child is feeling when they offer or withhold affection. If you have a habit of being tender with your children, you can tell immediately if things are not quite right. Sometimes when they are sixteen and they give you a hug that lingers longer than the obligatory, you will know that they need encouraging. Sometimes you can feel the tightness in the shoulders of the child who is upset or quick breaths of the child about to cry. The tender moments you share throughout the day keep you vitally in tune with your loved ones. When the line of tenderness is broken, relationships can pull apart.

Appropriate physical touch between fathers and children is also important though it may be shown in different ways. There is often chasing and wrestling between dads and kids, not to mention contact sports.

Teach your children that kindness, thoughtfulness and tenderness are highly valued and a source of great encouragement to you and the rest of the family. Teach them to hug each other and tell each other that they love each other. This simple training will go a long way in cutting off sibling rivalry.

“O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:31)

Have you ever struggled to trust God? I’m sure we all have. Most of us are quick to say that we trust Him…but when our circumstances require faith, do we lose sleep at night? Do we try to figure out the answer on our own rather than seek the Lord?

In Numbers 13, Moses sends out 12 spies to check out the land that God had already promised them. Ten of them came back and said, “No way!” But Joshua and Caleb said, “By all means we should go and take possession of it…” (Numbers 13:30).

What was the difference?

One group chose to focus on the “giants of the land.” They could see nothing but the obstacles that blocked their way. Caleb and Joshua chose instead to focus on a BIG God who always keeps His promises.

The same is true for us. When I focus on my problems more than I focus on God, my faith can falter. I see nothing but the obstacle in front of me, and it can overwhelm me. But when I choose instead to focus on an all-powerful, all-knowing, faithful and loving God, I can rest in Him. No matter what is happening in my life, I can have a deep and abiding peace that this world will never understand.