Discipline

I hate disciplining my daughter. It’s exhausting. She was born with autism and a very strong will, and she just doesn’t understand discipline. The negative consequences of punishment for wrong behavior aren’t strong enough to overcome her will. 

Nor is letting her experience the natural consequences of her behavior... 
Or taking away TV, phone, computer, activities...
Or making her pay a fine...
Or isolating her from the rest of the family to her bedroom.

Positive consequences for good behavior? Nope, that doesn’t work either. It doesn’t matter what we do. Discipline is only minimally effective with her. We work so hard and get very little result. But will I give up consistently disciplining and instructing her in the right way even though we have seen very little result over a long term?

Are you kidding? NO WAY!

My love for her compels me to continue. I must continue because maybe someday it will “click” for her. Or maybe not. I will take that chance because her behavior is destructive to her function and relationships with other people. I have hope for her and see what she can become, even as a young woman with an autistic spectrum disorder. I know the power of God must be at work in her as I pray for her, and I have a lot more to lose if I don’t discipline her -- even though we may never gain much from our efforts.  

I was recently touched as I read Amos 4. God is speaking to His people, Israel, through His prophet Amos. He says,

“I gave you cleanness of teeth”  (meaning famine)...”yet you have not returned to Me.”  v.6
“I also withheld rain from you...yet you have not returned to Me.”  v.7-8
“I blasted you with blight and mildew...yet you have not returned to Me.”  v.9
“I sent among you a plague...yet you have not returned to Me.”  v.10  
“I overthrew some of you...yet you have not returned to Me.”  v.11

After reading this, I responded, “Oh, God, You understand! And, because of my experience with my daughter, I understand and am overcome by seeing Your love through Your relentless discipline. I’m so weary. You know so often I feel like giving up and just allowing her stay as she is, but I can’t. I love her. I now understand this characteristic of Your love -- it “clicked” for me. Thank You for loving me and Your people so much to relentlessly discipline us when we need it.”

Perhaps you feel the same way in your parenting. If so, remember we have a God Who understands and Who reminds us...

"For [our earthly parents] disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.  All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Hebrews 12:10-11