Biggest Loser, Part 3 -- Major Loss: My Job

Since my husband’s departure on February 17th, 2009, I became a (temporary) “single mom” with six kids (ages one to fifteen) literally overnight. Two teenagers, one middle-schooler, and three toddlers. One girl and FIVE boys. The first thought that came to my mind was – “impossible.” The second was – “no thank you.” I absolutely could not believe that this was my life. The stark reality of this new (unwanted) job description was overwhelming to me.

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Continued from Biggest Loser -- the story of one Mom's journey of hope through devastating loss.

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I have to admit, it was and still is, so much easier for me to fill the job description of a being the CFO of three businesses, than the mom of six children. I confess I am naturally wired to be a Type A personality, who is driven by goals and thrives on successfully maximizing revenue while minimizing costs. Entrepreneurship, venture capital and leadership were the types of topics which inspired me since my college days at the University of Illinois as an accounting major and then in later positions as a CPA, public auditor, and Executive Vice President of a high-tech sports products company.

My Asian upbringing of achievement and success were so deeply rooted into my identity, that even as a “committed believer,” it was hard to separate God’s plan for my life from my own. I see now in hindsight how my attempts at juggling my many roles of being a wife, mom, and career woman had taken its toll on me, my faith, my marriage, and my identity. Being stretched by numerous competing demands and trying to “do it all” undermined my ability to be sensitive and tender, not only to my husband and children, but to God’s still, small voice. Over the years, the idols of self-sufficiency and productivity unintentionally crept into my daily life.

As discouraged as I was when my husband left, I was at least able to “see our cup as half full” and thankful to God to have a full-time job to be able to support our family during this challenging time, especially in a declining economy.

However, when I unexpectedly became unemployed on Friday, July 10th, 2009, I was in complete shock. How could this possibly be God’s plan for our family? It didn’t make any sense. I thought He was supposed to “lead, provide and protect me” while my husband was gone. Was this all some type of joke or test? If so, it wasn’t very funny, and I felt like a failure who just received a big, red “F.”

During this period, I had never sensed an utter desperation and despair so profound that it literally and physically paralyzed me. Between grieving the “sudden loss” of my husband, and now the elimination of my job five months later, I was living in a state of shock, depression, and hopelessness.

Standing in the unemployment line was a first for me, as I tried to process the gravity of our situation. With no husband or savings to cushion us, I realized I was quickly losing hope as well as the ability to pay our bills. I was most anxious about having to share this news with my husband, who was then 450 miles away, and with our children.

I did not want to create unnecessary alarm and worry; however, I also did not want to “pretend” that we were financially stable either. It could be months before I received another position in the volatile, shrinking job market. Meanwhile, we, as a family, immediately needed to go into “major cost-cutting mode.” I realized then that God was calling me to be the CFO of our family.

As I weighed the pros and cons of sharing my job loss with our family and close friends, I also began to seek God’s wisdom for what to say and when to say it. He graciously reminded me that regardless of my discomfort, “honesty was always the best policy” Proverbs 12:17. I had to believe that even though I did not understand or even agree with these circumstances, He would be true to His promises in His Word and still provide for our basic needs (Philippians 4:19).

What else did we have to lose?... well... plenty!

More to come...

Biggest Loser, Part 2
Biggest Loser, Part 4

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