Biggest Loser, Part 5 -- Major Loss: Our House

By September 2009, our “new normal” was beginning to set in. The autumn season provided a fresh school year with the older two starting freshman and sophomore years in high school, our third child beginning 7th grade in middle school, a kindergartener and two toddlers – ages 2 and 3. As I tried to create realistic schedules and routines necessary to manage our family and to help direct my day, such as carpools and meal planning, the reality of being a single parent was sinking in. There were countless tasks that needed to get done and yet so little time and energy to accomplish them all. I was constantly asking God to show me what my most important assignment was at that very moment.

The numerous dramatic changes which occurred so suddenly in our family life were a challenge for each of us. Each child handled them differently. The older three tried their best to live life as normal as possible. I observed that the absence of their dad left a huge gaping hole in their precious hearts, which I, as their mom, could not fill. Our eldest son, then almost fourteen, struggled the most as he experienced a deep sense of abandonment by his dad (who was also his closest friend), anger at God and others, as well as teenage hormones – a toxic combination.

The younger three were too little to fully understand our situation and why their dad was away for so long. My then two-year-old, used to hold his dad’s hand every night before he fell asleep. After his dad left, he refused to go to bed because Dad was not there to hold his hand. Mom’s hand just wasn’t the same and for many nights he cried himself to sleep.

One particular night, my then one-and-a-half-year old, woke up and began to toddle around the house alone in the dark, bumping into the walls. I was so tired that I just wanted him to obey me and go back to bed. I was so frustrated with his disobedience that I knew I had to discipline him. When I asked him why he would not go back to sleep, he innocently cried, “I find Daddy! I find Daddy!” I realized he was searching for his dad in every room. It broke my heart. I held him close as he cried himself to sleep. The once clear lines of disciplining our children and extending grace became blurred. I desperately needed the Holy Spirit to give me the discernment on how to handle every complex situation with each of our six kids.

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Continued from Biggest Loser -- the story of one Mom's journey of hope through devastating loss.

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The most difficult challenge during this season became the reality that we could no longer afford our mortgage and that as a result, our house was in foreclosure. The fear of the unknown became a huge trial every day as I would pull into our garage and wonder how long we could legally stay in our house. Nightmares of being homeless with our six kids kept me up at night.

Nagging questions I tried to push to the back of my mind included: who should I trust to ask for help, when should I start looking for a place to move the seven of us, in what geographic area do I look, how big of a budget should I set, do I look for an apartment or a house, how many bedrooms, could we still have a garage, etc. It was so overwhelming to deal with another major crisis in the midst of all our other losses, not to mention the emotional consequences of foreclosure such as embarrassment, anxiety and dread of the unknown.

My stress level grew so high that at one point, as a precautionary measure, I even called a homeless shelter in our area to see if they took large families like ours. The fear of not knowing what to do was paralyzing. As I searched for God’s will and direction in our housing, this specific verse from Acts 17:26 (NIV) provided me with supernatural comfort: “From one man He made every nation of men that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.” It gave me the assurance that even though I didn’t know where we would live, God knew. I believed that if I continued to seek His will daily through His Word and prayer, He would reveal to me His plans at the precise time by opening and closing the right doors of opportunity. I carried this verse with me in my purse, read it repeatedly and even memorized it.  I realized that it was time for me to take “baby steps of faith” by seeking and trusting in Him alone, even if that meant losing our home and moving our family. Just the thought of having to pack and move terrified me!

During this agonizing process, a precious friend shared with me another, even more amazing verse, not knowing we were going through foreclosure. Psalm 68:5-6 says: “A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, is God in His holy habitation. God makes a home for the lonely; He leads out the prisoners into prosperity, only the rebellious dwell in a parched land.” I was so excited that God would give me much needed hope through this specific verse at the very moment that I was struggling to find a home. He reminded me that even though I was very lonely, He will “make a home” for the seven of us, and as a bonus, that He will “lead out” my husband “into prosperity” in His time and under His circumstances. I realized then that by living in constant fear of foreclosure and doubting His daily love for me, I was actually being “rebellious” in my thoughts. I did not want to “dwell in a parched land” but instead, I needed the hope of His living water to flood my every thought with His truth; the truth that as my current spiritual husband, God would “lead, protect and provide” for me, even if I didn’t see or feel it.



At that moment, I released the desire to try to keep our townhouse of ten years and began to fully trust in His plans for me and our family, even if it meant having to pack up and move our large family and all our possessions. I finally began to sense a freedom in Him and see a glimmer of hope!

For the next 12 months, I diligently researched as much as I could on the topics of foreclosure, mortgage modification, a short-sale and a deed-in-lieu of foreclosure on the internet, by phone with the mortgage company and in person with friends I trusted. But most importantly, as I read the Bible each day, I circled every reference to “house” that I found, such as “dwelling, habitation, tabernacle, temple, court, nest, tent, refuge, and shelter.” I discovered that regardless of where I would physically live, I wanted to learn how to spiritually “dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life” in every trial and obstacle (Psalm 27:4-5).

God was teaching me that I still needed to step out in faith daily by doing the very best I could with each task during this foreclosure process, but that I also needed to rest and wait on Him to provide the right opportunities to move forward in seeking housing according to His plan and timeline. In hindsight, I now see how God was so creative to provide housing for our family of seven during this most frightening and difficult period through His astonishing gift of foreclosure, the very thing I feared.

More to come...

Biggest Loser, Part 4
Biggest Loser, Part 6

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