Biggest Loser, Part 6 -- Major Gain: My Identity

During the fall of 2009, I was forced to accept the hopeless circumstances of my mind-boggling reality. I just could not believe that I was now an unemployed, (temporary) single-mom of six kids with a husband in prison, facing foreclosure.  In addition, I was required to make several key decisions that would affect our whole family, including employment and housing. If I did not take action soon, we would quickly run out of money, as well as a place to live. I had never felt such an enormous amount of pressure, responsibility, and anxiety.

My identity was no longer clear and defined, as I once thought. Instead, I encountered constant confusion and chaos in every area. Life was no longer simple categories of black and white, but became very complex in never-ending shades of gray. I realized that I was at a major crossroad in my life.

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Continued from Biggest Loser -- the story of one Mom's journey of hope through devastating loss.

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In 2001, I began attending an Entrusted with a Child’s Heart class for the first time (I'm currently taking it for the fifth time!). Through Entrusted, I was challenged to allow God’s Word to shape my identity. It occurred to me for the first time that being a committed Christian did not automatically make me the godly wife or mom I now desired to be. Instead, becoming a godly wife and mom is based on biblical principles I needed to live out in a practical, daily way. The teaching through God’s Word became a mirror into my own heart and beliefs. It challenged me to be intentional about everything I did, personally and for my family.

This life-changing teaching challenged my convictions and our busy way of life. I soon realized, “This is the class I have been waiting for – for someone to show me how to daily apply God’s principles to my roles as a wife and mom – and I wanted to get an A+!”

The most significant and effective parenting principles I gained from the Entrusted with a Child’s Heart class were:
•    Valuing the preciousness of my children’s hearts more than their academic, athletic, or musical abilities.
•    distinguishing between biblical and personal convictions,
•    aiming to spend some time alone with each child each day,
•    keeping my pulse on my family’s practical needs, and
•    learning how to read God’s Word daily for truth and direction.

What I thought would be difficult to learn became fun and exciting as God taught me to run hard after Him while also knowing when to wait and rest in Him. This was challenging to me because I was used to valuing complete control of my life, especially in my parenting. This has been a delicate balance I am still learning today.

Now in my 40s and experiencing the devastating loss of my husband, my job, our insurance and our house all within a two-year period, I realized I had to be even more intentional about my priorities and choices. My once independent and self-sufficient identity gave way to total brokenness and dependence on God alone to be sufficient to meet all my needs – financial and emotional. My needs were just too great, my problems too complex, and my abilities too limited.

In the summer of 2010, a friend encouraged me with the timely truth of Psalm 84:11:

“For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

She shared that she had just heard an amazing message on this verse: God is our “sun,” the only unlimited resource on this earth and He is our “shield,” our ultimate protector in every way. I was so encouraged again by His Word, because I realized I was in such desperate need of both His unlimited resources and His supernatural protection.

My identity could no longer be defined by what I did or could do, but in what He did and what He could do – in Christ alone. I just needed to do my part, which is to “walk uprightly” by faith in Him the best I could each day, so that He could do His part, which is to provide what He knew were “good things” for me and to protect me, especially from my own fears and doubts. Never before had I realized how much I needed His grace.

More to come…

Biggest Loser, Part 5
Biggest Loser, Part 7

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