Biggest Loser, Part 8 -- Major Gain: My Job

Just like God was replacing the loss of our marriage as we knew it, with a new and stronger foundation set on Him alone through this difficult period of incarceration and separation, I began to see a similar pattern in other areas of my life.

After I unexpectedly lost my job as the CFO of three businesses in July 2009, I began to completely rethink the definitions of “work, job and career.”  Although I knew in my mind that I should logically look for another full-time management position to support our large family, I realized that the dramatic circumstances that resulted in me becoming a sudden and temporary single mom, defied logic and reason. There were so many things happening that were unplanned and beyond my control, that I needed to seek a new perspective beyond my limited knowledge.

I immediately remembered Isaiah 55:8-9, “‘'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.'” I began to ask Him for supernatural wisdom and direction on how to manage and support our family during this crisis. I, in my own strength, was at a loss for words, answers and solutions. Everything just seemed utterly impossible.

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Continued from Biggest Loser -- the story of one Mom's journey of hope through devastating loss.

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I see now in hindsight how God used this necessary period of pain and uncertainty to come to the end of myself, to humble myself and to seek Him alone. It was and still is so difficult to seek Him first daily, but I learned that this step is required in order for Him to show me “His ways and His thoughts” on just how to make wise decisions each day according to His plan. Most importantly, He wanted to teach me that it was more important to “be” than to “do” – to “be” open and obedient to Him in prayer so I would be ready to “do” what He asked through His Word. I was a natural-born “doer” and wanted to fix all my own problems according to my timeline. Instead, I was now forced to pause, ponder and pray about every decision and fully depend on Him to open the right doors at the right time.

Truthfully, the internal battle I was struggling with were the biblical truths taught in the “Entrusted with a Child’s Heart” biblical parenting study. Psalm 127:3-5a says, “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” Did I really believe that my 6 children were a gift and reward of the Lord? Our quiver was definitely full but why did I not feel blessed? Instead, I felt the immense burden of not knowing how to support and biblically parent each of them, all experiencing such different seasons of life from toddlers to teens.

Again, I asked God, “my spiritual husband during this season," to provide practical guidance on how to balance my many roles as a temporary, single mom who had to work. Three powerful principles from Entrusted which pierced my heart were:

Recognizing a Mother’s Touch and the Nature of a Child
I was so challenged when I first heard Betsy (10 years ago) teach in Lesson 6, “Moms who try to 'do it all' – to try and hold down a career and manage a household and nurture their children – find that the area most lacking is nurturing. …She may be able to manage the finances and the household like a pro, but she will have little extra time for the tenderness and nurturing that her child desperately needs.”

I realized that God was directly speaking to me through this truth. I also had to admit that it was humanly impossible for me to successfully function as full-time CFO outside of the home and expect to be able to biblically raise 6 kids, ages 1-15, with all their different emotional and spiritual needs. I had to make some hard decisions.

Betsy continued, “She may have outward order, but she will not be able to keep her thumb on the pulse of her household, more specifically on the pulse of her children’s hearts. We have a higher calling. We want to nurture our children and we want to raise them up so that their hearts align with God.” I began to make this “higher calling” my prayer, that God would provide me a somewhat flexible schedule to allow me to be available to “keep my pulse on my children’s hearts.”

Knowing How to Make Critical Choices
The Entrusted teaching also challenged me that, “Someday, what seemed so important to pull us out of the house really won’t seem all that important. Are we showing our children that it is okay to be away from home? The bottom line is – to be apart divides.  Too much separation separates. This sounds very obvious but the more you are apart from your children, the more distant you will be relationally.”

I was already learning how difficult it was to maintain a long-distance marriage with my husband over 450 miles away in prison for several years. I knew that as a single-parent, I had to make it a priority to be with my 6 kids as much as possible.

Betsy dedicated this lesson “to all the mothers who need to be reminded of the significance that you have and the vital role you are playing in your children’s lives. Just remember that it is a high privilege to be so intimately involved in the details of your child’s life. …Remember the priority of ‘people over things’ and ‘eternal over temporal.'”

Wow, it was so difficult to actually make and live out these biblical choices in my every day life! I knew we had to make some major sacrifices in many areas. I more specifically began to pray for wisdom on how to cut every expense and learn how to live on a minimal monthly budget for our family of 8 during this season so that I could work for as few hours as possible and be physically and emotionally available for our 6 kids.

Knowing Your Child’s “Prime 15-Minutes a Day”
This principle was life-changing for me as a single mom. Betsy teaches, “Your child has a ‘prime 15-minutes a day’ when they will really talk to you. It is different for each child – in the morning, after school, or before bedtime. It is those precious little moments when they are willing to talk to us that we want to be available and listen to them.”

I wanted to be intentional and build in these “15-minutes a day” for each of my 6 kids. It was definitely challenging at first, but within a few months, these became the sweet times I cherished. Sometimes I could only do a few minutes with each child each day, from as early in the morning as 6 a.m. to sometimes as late as midnight with my teens, but it was and is so worth it. This was another creative way to help me keep my pulse on each of their major ups and downs

Most importantly, I learned how to submit to God’s provision for our family, whether on unemployment or employed, during this season by being even more resourceful than ever. Rather than thinking of ways to earn income, I needed to think of creative, “out-of-the-box” ways to save on expenses.  I was both challenged and convicted when Betsy said, “We can get entangled in so many things outside of the home. It can get easier to rely on extra income than it can be to rely on the Lord.”

After my devastating job loss in July 2009, I was praying for someone I could trust and ask for prayer. Although I hadn’t spoken to Betsy for the past 5 years, she came to mind because we had spent a year together in one-on-one discipleship. I called her cell phone number, not even knowing if it still worked. I was so surprised when she called me back right away! She encouraged me over the phone for the next hour as I poured out my heart to her.

The Lord gave me the desire to volunteer for Entrusted during my job search. I was reminded of the passion I had for Entrusted beginning back 9 years ago when I took the class for the first out of five times. Soon the Lord specifically answered so many of my prayers for a part-time ministry position with a female boss whom I could fully trust and respect. He opened the door for me to serve as the “Director of Ministry Development” at Entrusted Ministries so that I could assist in furthering this biblical message of tangible hope for families across the country and throughout the world. God is amazingly sovereign and abundantly good!

More to come...

Biggest Loser, Part 7
Biggest Loser, Part 9

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