Staying home with children?

Dear Betsy,

I love your ministry and have learned so much! Thank you for being a faithful servant of God in this important area of parenting. My husband and I currently both work full-time. I am able to work FT from home but do require a sitter to watch my children during my work hours. We've been praying for some time about me leaving the corporate arena to be home FT. This may be a potential if my husband takes on a new job that requires him to travel FT (home on weekends). I'm not sure if we're exchanging one difficult situation for another. Is it more critical that I'm home with them FT even though Dad is MIA all week?
-- Feeling Torn

Dear Torn,

We live in one of the most affluent countries of the world and yet we tend to believe that mothers should (or need) to work so that families can “get ahead.” However, once we have children, our priorities change and they must. What once could occupy your time now needs to take a back seat to the priority of raising them to honor and glorify God — no small task or one that you should willingly relinquish except in the most dire of circumstances (such as loss of a spouse).

I especially love how the Bible states this in Malachi 2:15 in the English Standard Version: “Did He not make them one [you and your husband] with a portion of His Spirit in their union? And what was God seeking? Godly offspring.” God has given you what you need to raise your children (His Holy Spirit) and this gift has a purpose: to raise your children to be godly young men and women. This takes precedence over personal endeavors, which may be pursued in other seasons of life.

Our time with our children really does fly by. You did not state the ages of your children, and I do not know how many children you have. But if you have a five-year-old, this precious time is about 25% gone; for a ten-year-old, it’s about 50% gone! The time we have to build a life-long connection with our children and train them to honor the Lord with their lives will be gone before you know it. Who will have had the greatest influence in their lives and what will that influence be? That responsibility has been given directly to you and your husband as stewards of the children God has entrusted to you.

I understand that we are living in extremely difficult economic times, but the fact that we as a culture are becoming more driven to consumerism and materialism is actually creating more debt and division within families. I like to say, “Take the twenty-year view." What do you hope to see as a result of how you invested your time, energy and resources? Whether your heart (mind, will, emotion) says “relationships” or if it says “stuff” will be very telling as to the direction your life will take. (Matthew 6:21)

The optimal scenario would be for you to be home with your children and for your husband to be home more than just on weekends. Heavy traveling schedules present new challenges for families and marriages. If this is not possible, could you consider working only part-time from home and possibly tapering off within several months? If a family has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle, it will require a period of adjustment over time to reach this goal. I have often seen the Lord honor this desire in families who choose this path.

Your question does not reveal your reason for working — whether for personal desire to work and build a career, or out of financial necessity— in other words, desire or need. Either way, our priorities remain the same: children over outside pursuits, husband over children, God over husband. This does not mean you cannot be very resourceful and greatly benefit your family budget with wise choices, saving, and managing resources as the amazing “Proverbs 31 Woman” did. (Read verses 10-31 and especially note verse 27 and 28). As wives and mothers we are not sacrificing our gifts, abilities or brains, but we are investing them to build our families in ways that go far beyond the financial realm. A mother/wife who “fears the Lord” and follows Him will be greatly blessed.

From a mother who would love to have some of that time back,


Please Note: This counsel is given from a distinctively biblical worldview, and therefore, is being offered with the assumption that the reader has placed him or herself under the authority of Scripture. Also, please remember that these answers are designed to give general parenting advice and are not intended to give specific counsel to specific situations. If you have extenuating circumstances, please seek the professional advice of your pastor, physician, or counselor.